unsettled

while the world was busy waking i slept in through yr epilogue of dreaming

my stomach is unsettled. i caught the bus up, and wrote a poem on the way:




my arms feel so heavy
i am forcing myself to
cry.
maybe the world could stop
spinning for just a few
minutes so i can stand
back up?

not likely.

sad fat girl sitting on the back of the bus
too detached to shed a tear
and the world is too big
and it is drowning me
your arms comforted me
maybe one day i can just
stay there
i would drag
my arms up and around you
if it meant i could stay
there

my eye is twitching
finally it is wet

i just wanted to
be in your body
to float inside you
or just to find you
somewhere waiting

but my cheeks are flushed with
fever
to tell me you could love me, I
break you apart and put
you back together
you do not fit

but i do

shivering, I think I'm

sick

my shadow
moves before i do
I sit, hardly breathing
my shadow hits the bitumen
splits and scatters behind me

my shadow pushes in the
pins, tingling fingertips

my shadow opens up my
chest with his bare hands
and cups my ribcage
tenderly
I am cemented to the
spot. I am spinning at
the speed of sound. I am
not human.

the sickness rises.

the memory perspires

my shadow smothers my mouth my
nose and stands my
hair on stilts
the separate strands teeter
precariously

you swing in my mind
and i die vicariously

my shadow speaks to me
in tongues
i can not move

i can not lift my

arms

my shadow lifts my

stomach

and it splits
and it scatters
behind me
it is gone








that pretty much sums up how i feel tonight. i think it's something to do with the moon. i feel wierd.