a capitalization

so it appears, I am functioning better than I ever have
maybe

I am doing things, and stuff
and all the time, not just on occasion
and I am able to keep my self together even in the stormiest of shits
only just sometimes sure but at least
it happens

what happens
when my heart is a tumult tin
and the racket becomes more than din
and the bashing pushes me crashing out over the edge of my own skin finally again
when I have come so far
is it really further to fall?

why am I contemplating this at all?

why am I now finally capitalizing my self
after so many many years of lower case i
lowered eyes
just in case
some one met my gaze and searched for truth?

well now I guess I want to meet that truth in me just as easily as I search for it in you
me
hey I want to know I am really more than curious it is a compulsion it is a sixty foot wave
rumbling deeper and heavier than any sound humans could shuddering make

stand in front of me or lie just beside looking in to that black pit of nothing where the totality of consciousness resides
and I will return that gaze
capitalize

so good job and pat on the back there holding your shit together juj. you did good, you are doing good. yeah, sure you're procrastinating via poetry but it's valid in the scheme of things. this sort of stuff means more and means less in the chaos of information being ricocheted off every conceivable surface these glorious days
and in these glorious times
I am a curious creature still searching

let's hope that even with all this functionality, it never leaves me still.
wonder unceasingly is my will