i got some dirty boots

babayyyyyyy

(i sank into the sea)
i really wish i was somewhere else right now. on top of a hill. or under a wave. or in a shed.
everything breaks when it meets the water.
i lit fires on the shore, and i forgot about them. they've long since stopped burning but there are bits left, scraps of coal, fine white ash that dissolves when you touch it.
i hear the crackling in your voice like a roar. it rushes into my ears and fills my eyes with the sea.
it's all i can do to mumble an agreement, the ocean is making my throat hoarse and alien, small noises make themselves heard without prior permission or intention, i am at a loss to myself.
thereisnothingthereisnothing that will ever match up to that moment thereisnothing that will ever be as complete we will never be as complete

breathe in.
the air gets colder, the feeling of being observed heightens. you would be happy with the person i am becoming. you are happy with the person i am becoming, inasmuch as you can be. with all of us. we are doing things. we are living. even if even if you never had that choice even if the world was just too much of a struggle and would always be that way in some wordless screaming unending void of a one-way street
we have ways around, we have hardened hearts, we can pick up our dragging feet
and keep walking
and keep our slightly chipped shells intact for another day, week, indecipherable period of time,
press them to our ears and hear the roaring rushing riptide of our blood and your blood and the sea's blood
and not let myself forget the way it felt
the closest i will ever get to being whole
the furthest we ever were from being alone
the closest we ever were to having heartshells for a home