fucking blag

fuckityfuckityfuckityfuck.
so today was shit.

the shittest so far.

it started ok. i went out, printed resumes, dropped some off, had lunch with dad, dropped off some more resumes. the chat with dad was kind of shit. he always makes me feel guilty. but then i feel like i am kinda wiser for it, which is odd.
then i dropped off my black and white film i've been holding onto since the start of this year, i had forgotten what pictures i had on it. and finally i was getting it processed. but i had a bad feeling even before i left the store. justine, you fucking twat.
anyway, so i go back to bondi junction, drop in some more resumes. while i am in the sustainability store, i get a call from the fotolab guy. my fucking film has been wiped. they put it through colour chemicals instead of black and white.


FUUUUUCK.
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK


and i don't get angry at many things. but this, holy shit. i am so fucking upset. i lost it all. i could have done it myself a hundred times over, in fact i don't know why i didn't. but it's fucked now. no way to get it back.

then, some fucking kid at the bus stop jumps at me and i get scared out of my skin. that just irritates me. then i listen to some metal. i get home and melissa is pissed off at me. and that's pretty much continued til now.
i can't do anything right.

so my day is screwed. i don't think liss wants me to stay here anymore. i just want to go home. i know it's just one day and i shouldn't let it get to me, but for some reason i feel like it's just gonna get worse. here, i am supposed to have a fresh start. and be happier. and to get away from shit in perth. but shit likes to follow me. or maybe it's just that i'm shit at life.

i want to curl up in a ball and disappear into the blagosphere. or into my own little imaginary world of juju reiatsu and elspeth riding gahltha into the mountains and i am an awesome musician and me and we are all jamming on some other plane of this 'squdgy little multiverse'.


but, push on, juju. maybe it'll get better. and if it doesn't, get the fuck out of there. that's all there is to it.



i'm out.

-j