carrying gently all that history cardboard box hollow and a stacking that is unnecessary

unfold and unpack the layered remembered 
in order to burn and cleanse

I am in a letting-go
it hurts a bit there are some joints and junctures that do not wish to relinquish
So,

splits and bridges, floodwaters and musty sacrifice
scarified in the mud clay slippage and sundered 
healing up that damp song inspiration dripping out pulp on the wet grass

concrete if it comes to that

You remember that big pile of junk? How much dumping until the boot sunk quicksand by the new-old riverbank
and a bridge you didn't cross

A real big pond

and little shards of softly collapsed cardboard box filled with smoke and cornflour paste shit

that dream you left home for underneath the mouldy carpet for a solid decade spilt the bong water babe thats a baccy cone punishment cough ya lungs up and pass out in the post-rape shame

whodunnit I mean this mystery novella is still a young girl unknown unremitting unreminding

was it you or me or both of us and
did I hurt you in the same way I hurt me years later when I chose to pair with the parings and take em on to my own dismemberment?
to my own disgust, locked long internal could they be even buried under the floorboards now who lives and dies in that tiny chamber blood oozing out?
mystery mystery I'll tell myself out of fear of being free 

at some point it became a wet sock nightmare on the merry-go-round and I was just nailed full of clippings, fragments, grippings, ragged hope
locked up in the base meant numb out the lower half and take it babe

store it there for the next time you forget how to hide and remember how to see and summon the anamnesis of the dying dead shadow hunter kid who saw the kingdom split a sundering a summer recklessly wondering a holiday with the family a touristing uncanny widow

next chapter

I dreamt I was pregnant this time last year
my timelines splitscatter and the tangles pulled through make a fine temporal tapestry entwining
ddddddd does it matter I mean hhhhhhhh hey I feel fatter than ever before I have more matter do I matter more? shame on you sickness on you pain on you which tells me that you can slough it off honey get in the bath please

I guess a day bath is a good thing

I guess a light-filled lounge and a womb room is for silent solitude resting

if only the fire could crackle in the hearth literally,
but I am learning to be patient
follow the winding path
I know how much life has entered into me I can see it in navy blue grey sky ocean eyes

Gently slowly choosing to rewind threads and selective relinquishing through steady breath moving
Rocking
Reading

Walking around the humming vessel and gently climbing inside
into the hollow space
kissing, touching lightly, caressing this room,
It Is Not To Be Crushed By An Other

Love me