When you tried to make me watch an intense documentary and I didn't feel like it and it became an intellectual debate so I went and wrote a poem

feel like i confronted a whole lot of traumatising shit for a long time
feel like i have paid close attention to
and been rendered distraught by
the suffering in the world
the institutionalised issues that tie the yoke
and fear, oh our fears.

I do not wish to act from that place
from the fear of everything falling apart
I do not wish to be subjected to a barrage of information that I know enough of
 know that my decisions affect everything
  know that small actions have impact

I wish to learn, yes
I wish to learn more all the time
and be a better person

I never assume that I will be perfect
or that I will even almost reach the mark
but I try

and within that
I try to practice forgiveness
for myself when I am lost or forsaken
for my foibles and mistakes
for everyone who continues, ignorant
for all the perpetuators of pain and suffering and damage
blind or otherwise

so I try to be nourishing
to resist
to fight
via nourishment
and the ripple effects of this practice are broader than I can know

Though it is never enough,
Anything is enough.
Nothing is not affected -
and everything stays the same.

i know there are problems, those problems are countless, i know the ways to combat them are many and varied.
i know there are resistances in me to face my unconscious biases
and resistances to feeding unconscious identity bolsters

I don’t wish to harden your identity any further,
i wish to share some of the ocean with you
that beauty and yielding grace -
yeah i get a little briny sometimes
but i’m trying
to practice forgiveness
and lose bitterness more all the time

I am far more sensitive than I was
and stronger than I have ever been
because of that