smothered and helpless
so much kept so far away
I am kept far away
every voice invasive and alien
unwelcome
all enjoyment, empty
I tried to fill it in
food and noise and distraction
just amplified the shutdown
it breaks through the hardened scab
oxygen and pain come
flooding

some void unrepresented
gone unnamed and accumulated
depth enough to threaten submersion, 
permanent

the masochistic urge turns again
a subtle terror constant
fleshy form distorting

(searching for an outer emptiness to match this inner

any stimuli akin to skin peeler)

your poor body, so long disregarded -
ignorance, wilfully scarred

can't be rid of it

it must be opened and scoured, 
the rotten edges scraped clean,
breath filling the space
it's so easy to push away
but I cannot

I do not want any of this right now.

No choice but to be subjected
to your inner chaos.
No options for delay now that it is there.


They witness 
so it can stay open. That is all.
The rest - 
the wounded physician's work.
All the best.